I have been told I put a "WALL UP"
I have been told I need to let my "Guard Down"
I have been told I need to "Trust" again.
I have been told to just "Go with my Heart"
I have been told to "Let others IN"
Have you been told any of these things?
So why do I seem to be someone who doesn't do these things?
Cause the TRUTH is I do allllllll of these things........
EXCEPT ONE!
TRUST!!!!
I had been living life where every time I turned around I was getting hurt.
Someone gave me a piece of advise I now carry with me, that I will share with you. It was impacting on my life. It has actually saved me from a lot of grief, pain, and sorrow. I share this as often as I can with others who have gone through the same things as myself. So listen up.....Its important.But before I do I just have to mention, kinda funny, the person who had given me this advise was someone who was giving me the most pain in my life at the time. Funny how everyone you know is there to teach you something, even when you think they wont. Ill get into that later.
I had been told as a child, "Trust people till they give you a reason NOT to". I had been doing this for soooooo long! So if you have too, listen ITS WRONG!
The truth is, "TRUST NO ONE TILL THEY GIVE YOU A REASON TO TRUST THEM". The truth is, trust is earned! Not given right off the bat! We all walk around just talking about anything about our lives, to someone who hasn't earned that trust yet. Then when they go and tell other people and haven't kept that personal, or what you thought was private, is now spread across the lands without your approval! No, its our own fault. We allowed this person to carry our information ASSUMING they would follow the same principles and values we do.WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!
Lets be a little scientific about this. Look at all the differences around the world. We have different laws from country to country. We have different religions from one to the next who have different values. Even families are different, look at how the mob family acts compared to the rural family in upstate New York. Even though there maybe similarities, there are always differences.
We could sit here and analyze them, whats the point. The point is, we are all different. So when it comes right down to one on one conversations, or anything else. Your wrong to ASSUME people carry the same thoughts and live life the way you do. Doesn't make them wrong and you right. Its just different.
Even what I am saying now, is just MY point of view. Doesn't make me right or wrong, its just another point of how each and everyone of us is different.
For me, I reach out to others who do think like me. Try to help. I also listen cause I believe everyone who comes into our life will teach us something. Good or bad, teach us something. Its gets proven to me over and over again. I take people as they come.
Sometimes I meet someone who I have this over whelming feeling that I can trust them, like they are kindred spirits. I have no reason to feel as though I can't trust them. These are the people I have found I need to be the most cautious with to. Till they give me a reason to TRUST them. Some have proven worthy of my confidence and I am so grateful for that. Others....well lets just say since I have applied my new way of thinking it has saved me from a lot of grief. Before these people would have ran me over like a mack truck burning out of control!
Intuition is NOT enough! Its about being smart. Smart about taking responsibility to whom you share information with. You can not blame the other person IF you know in your heart you didn't take the time to be cautious. For those who have betrayed our trust, who did earn it, and threw it away like garbage, should have consequences for that. I am talking about PREVENTION so it doesn't happen a lot. No exceptions to the rule.
Now that I have applied "Trust No One Till They Give Me A Reason To" I do come off as guarded, I do come off as "Having this wall up", I do come off as "not following my heart". Truth is, I am not doing this, I share with people. Its what I CHOOSE to share or not share that bothers people. If I choose not to answer a personal question about myself because it hurts to talk about it, or for whatever reason, thats my damn choice! Do NOT let other people make you feel like they have some RIGHT for you to tell them anything. ESP if it doesn't effect them in some way!
The truth is, I am a very open person. I am not ashamed of my past. I have lived it, learned from my mistakes, and now I am an open book even sharing the big bad and ugly cause some how it does help someone else. Esp to validate when you say, I know what you mean. These things I don't care if they share with others. Go right ahead.
If they turn it into something nasty, they just help me weed through people I CHOOSE not to be around. They aren't people who I feel are at my level of thinking. I don't condemn them, I was the one who shared the information right? What they chose to do with it was their choice to. What happens after that is ALSO MY CHOICE. Yes I would choose NOT to be around someone who is spreads gossip in a negative way just to have something thrilling to talk about to their friends. I would also let them know how they made me feel and let them know why! Yep knock em down a peg or two for the choice they made. They made a choice to risk losing your friendship by spreading gossip, or just betraying your trust.
Some I have to admit, I don't say a word to who I know HAVE done this to me, why not you ask? I chose not to because I want to see what they do next! I am a curious bug. LOL These are people I find harmless enough. People I feel still have a lot to learn about themselves. I don't hate them, I just....understand their kind. I understand why they are doing it.
Ya it may seem like I contradict myself. The thing is, take people as they come. You cant deal with people the same way depending on what they mean to you. Where you are at in your life right? I know this, take your time with people you are talking to. Be aware of information you are giving to people. If its something you don't want anyone else to know, test them out with something that means something to you but wont hurt you bad if they do, then wait. STOP ignoring red flags you do see with people. Ive said this a lot, if someone is talking about someone else for no reason other then drama stuff, its just a matter of time before you take that persons place.
"Think before you say something" ..... wow this one has a lot of definitions doesn't it? Usually meaning a prevention so that you don't go around saying something to hurt someones feelings. It has many more definitions though. We can apply it here. Think about what you want to share! It is as easy as that. You can prevent what others are doing to you.
How? What more can you do other then that? WAIT! Make them earn your trust. If something has happened now, let it go, stop hanging with the Ahole who betrayed you. Everyone deserves good friends in their life. Honestly if you have ONE good friend you can share everything with, you really are one lucky human being! Why do you need more? Ask yourself that. Be confident! Be secure your worth something! Your opinion is just as valid as the next.
If you don't have ONE good friend, ask yourself why? You can never change the people around you, only yourself. What kind of friend have you been yourself? Maybe your the nicest person in the world and people avoid you like the plaque. Why? Are you negative? Do you complain about other people all the time? My mother calls it the "Poor me" attitude, lol. Where nothing is your fault, or everything is your fault and you cant change yourself. BULLSHIT! Anyone can change if they want to. Just like I made a choice not to trust people right off the bat, when I had been taught all my life I should. Its a choice to change. Its a choice to keep negative people in your life.
If you have someone in your life who you can not trust as far as you can throw them....but you feel stuck in a rut, or worse you feel you can not escape them. Start making plans so you can make change in your life. It does not have to be forever. Look at your situation rationally, logically, and calmly. You can change the out come of your life, you really can. Yes it may take some time, it may even take some hard work. If your in a really bad situation, what else have ya got to lose? Nothing can be worse then this I have thought! NOTHING! Tell yourself over and over, this is a chance I am willing to take, Id rather be alone and happy or poor then rich, then to live life miserably! Do NOT let someone else control your life, or make you feel worthless. There isn't anyone I know who is perfect! Including myself! But come on, you know deep in your heart you have a place in this world just like everyone else! Why are you allowing someone to have such control over your life? Tell them to FUCK OFF! If you can't now, make plans so eventually you CAN!
So back to me...lol. I don't trust people right off the bat. If I do start to trust someone....then later start seeing red flags that I cant, then I will start to hold back from them. Thats what we all should do. Always keep your ears open, eyes watching, we are all on our journey, and sometimes we decide to take a different path don't we? Well so does everyone else. So if you see a friend taking the wrong path that could effect you in a negative way, be smart. Its not about changing everything around you, its about making the right choices for yourself at any given moment. A rule may not apply evenly for every friend you have. I know I cant do that.
As far as personal relationships go, as bf/gf things. How do you know you can trust someone? When do you know you should start to open up? For one too many people rush into relationships. I have def been a culprit of this. Take your time! Get to know each other likes and dislikes on a fun level. Watch for red flags, if you find yourself asking questions then assuming answers vs asking the person directly, then ASK THEM! I see people making excuses for others behavior all the time! Or since they wouldn't they assume this person wouldn't either....duh, not ness true!
If someone is rushing you for a commitment, and you aren't ready, be honest. It again is a choice! A choice if you rush into a relationship without getting to know someone completely! Things to watch out for, should be another blog I write about lol.
To trust or not to trust. I dont know for sure, I can tell you from experiences that I have been through, that taking your time to get to know someone is the best thing you can do. Respecting how they feel is important, but your own feelings should be highly important if not more so!
It should be a give and take. Sharing things with each other. Earning each others trust. If you find yourself doing all the talking and your friend doesn't share their life with you like you do them, take a step back and ask yourself why! Why aren't they? Why will you continue to share information with someone who doesn't open up with you. Or lies to you. Or is evasive with you!
It really pisses me off when someone will ask me so many questions about my life, and they don't share ANYTHING of relevance with me but claim that I am such a GREAT FRIEND to them! BULLSHIT! I have become their entertainment is what's happened! I am sooooooo done with that BULLSHIT! I want people in my life with substance! People who are TRUE TO THEMSELVES! People who aren't so damn paranoid, people who aren't hypocrites, yes I am done with that bullshit! I will from now on share what I want to share, if ya don't like it fuck off! You don't have a right to make me feel I owe you anything! Cause I don't!
The other part is for others to listen to how you feel. Respect your feelings even if its different then your own. Doesn't mean they are SCREWED in the head, as I said before, it just means they are different then yourself. Which includes their reactions, how they handle what you tell them is their choice to. All you can do is be true to yourself, watch yourself, believe in yourself, know in your heart it doesn't mean your NESS wrong just because they feel differently then you. Respect each others journeys , if you feel they are wrong, its up to them to experience it. Relationships is a differ blog and an ongoing complication as far as I am concerned. I could babble forever lol.
PREVENTION< getting to know someone, trust or not to trust, its really a shot in the dark isn't it? Take your time, don't share deep personal information with people who haven't earned it! If you see your friend start to waver and is spouting about people just remember its just a matter of time before its YOU they are talking so negatively about. You do have control over this. If you find yourself around someone whos bad mouthing a friend of yours, maybe you should be honest and say why the hell are you talking like that! Build trust slowly, why the heck would you want to rush it anyways if your having a good time :0)
